Tuesday, 14 April 2015


Last month a new client came to me for a private tantra session. He was good looking, smart and sensitive and took to it all like a duck to water. Sadly, now that I'm not running Sensual Soirees, I couldn't suggest anywhere he might go to meet like-minded folk for any kind of intimate connection. After he  left I had a brainwave.

Over the last year I've been working with a girl who recently became amenable to the idea of meeting a play partner – someone to swap massage and practise tantric meditations with. I'm not sure if she'd like me to make her story quite so public so I shall call her Heather for the sake of this blog. Heather is learning, through tantra how to receive pleasure, ask for what she wants and to step into her feminine power. She is a refugee from a war torn country, and has suffered enough in her life to make her hyper-cautious when it comes to men, sex and relationships. Heather is a creative woman, a talented artist in fact. She is pretty and charming and could attract any man if she wanted, but she isn't looking for a relationship right now, having reached the end of her tether, navigating the ups and downs of serial monogamy.

Heather's story is not unusual. Many people are disillusioned with the conventional 'love story' we're stuck in when it comes to relationships – boy meets girl. Boy fancies girl...boy puts girl on pedestal (mother stuff). Girl hopes with all her heart that this time it won't end in tears. Boy brings flowers and runs her a bath regularly with petals in. Girl is ecstatic - she's found her knight in shining armour. Boy gets lazy and begins to ignore girl (boy doesn't see why he should have to put so much effort into keeping up the romance)...girl gets bitchy because he seems to have lost interest in her. Girl begins to withhold in various ways...boy kicks pedestal away (mother stuff), girl is heart-broken and judges herself harshly (father stuff), boy starts to notice all the sunny girls on the greener grass...girl senses this (women know everything) and becomes more bitchy...boy has an affair, or leaves, or gradually erodes the girl's self-esteem until she is a shell of her former self. Neither boy nor girl know how to navigate such a narrow and unimaginative system of relating. It's quite clear something's not working.

What a state we've got ourselves into - human beings bumbling about trying to find a way to live together in harmony on planet earth. How many lonely people are out there, longing to connect with others and yet go days, months, years without even a hug? I started thinking...what would happen if we scrapped the traditional boy-meets-girl scenario and tried an experiment – set up a blind date in a tantric temple? It was one of those Aha! moments.
Perhaps I could introduce these two wonderful clients of mine, bringing them together in a series of rituals built on respect and honouring. Their first meeting would be unencumbered by expectations and hope. In a state of childlike wonder they would step onto the tantric path together. It was obvious that Heather and Tony shared a common intention - to connect heart to heart with a pleasure partner, no strings attached. This was the perfect opportunity to allow two souls to meet and merge, organically and authentically - beyond stories, beyond personalities. 

It was a novel idea for sure, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense to me. It would take courage for Heather and Tony to dive straight into the alchemical waters of tantra with someone they knew nothing about. They would have to be willing to ride the turbulent waves of passion and surrender to the bliss of tantric meditation - with a stranger. It certainly wouldn't allow for normal doubts to rear their ugly heads. 'Do I trust him/her?'. That question was moot. One would have to face the real question - 'Do I trust myself?' It would also require complete flexibility on my part. As the facilitator I'd be forced to let go of any agenda and respond spontaneously to what was happening in each moment, as these two people gradually revealed themselves to each other.

How different would this be to the conventional one of seeing how many points your date scored on your check-list of criteria; Potential wife or husband? Good parent material? Mortgage provider? Companion in old age?  We don't even know we're doing it half the time – superimposing someone over the script we've written, and then being disappointed when they don't match up.

I sent a couple of emails and Tony and Heather responded positively to my suggestion to show up blind and trust in tantra.

So here was Heather knocking at the door, panting, sweating and looking terrified. She'd run all the way, thinking she was late and arrived ten minutes ahead of Tony, giving herself enough time for a shower. A good omen I thought...perfect timing.

When Tony walked in I sat them comfortably opposite each other, on Back Jack chairs on the floor. Monsoon Point was playing softly in the background, and before they had said anything more than 'hello' I showed them how to 'Namaste', bowing down to the divine masculine and feminine – Shiva and Shakti in union. Heather seemed to have calmed down and looked relaxed in her sarong.

Then it was time for the Tantric Tea Ceremony. What an extraordinary way to get to know someone! During this profound ritual, no words are spoken but everything that could possibly be said is being communicated through the pouring and drinking of tea. This ceremony was the ritualistic opening of the temple, and you could feel the magic in the air like a spell that had been cast.

As a natural flow, the tea ceremony led into a devotional foot massage. While Heather was massaging Tony's feet he was asked to share his three greatest fears, and then his three greatest desires. In an altered state of consciousness it's easier to be honest, and he answered with such vulnerability I found myself crying. Tony then massaged Heather's feet while she also shared her personal fears and desires. Somehow, because there was no history between them, there was no judgement in the listening, just a spaciousness that seemed to allow for the truth to be shared, simply and effortlessly...I have been moved many times by witnessing this ceremony melt couples, some of whom have been emotionally estranged from each other for years. But to see two strangers open their hearts fearlessly, in such a short space of time was breathtaking.

We moved the chairs away and stood up, ready to play something I call 'The Permission Game'. This is a structure that really challenges people to be clear about their boundaries with each other and also encourages them to be more courageous, and even outrageous in asking for what they want. The rules are simple. One person asks if they can do something to someone in the circle, eg. “May I give you a hug?” or “Can I remove your shirt?”. The person can respond in one of four ways – 'Yes'. 'No'. 'Can you ask something else?' And 'stop'. They can say 'stop' at any point during the turn. If the person you ask says no, you miss your turn. You can imagine what happens. Well, pretty much everyone is naked by the end, obviously. The game can get wild and kinky and can go in pretty much any direction...but the bottom line is that everyone's boundaries are respected. Heather and Tony were naturals. They were both in a playful mood with each other, and it kept the atmosphere light. They even felt brave enough to try things they'd never been open to before – spanking, feathering, light bondage. There was a lot of laughter.

We made our way through to the cosy massage space, which I'd prepared earlier with candles, soft cushions and mattresses on the floor. This was the first time Tony had received a four-hands massage. It was every man's dream come true – two naked women giving full attention to his most profound pleasure. Tuning into the rise and fall of his breath, we slowly massaged every inch of his body, following his ever-increasing arousal. By the end of the massage Tony was in a state of total surrender, completely satiated. Witnessing a man who is both sexually excited and deeply relaxed at the same time is a wondrous thing. Every woman should experience it!

Heather lay down, ready to receive, and Tony and I began to caress her skin with ostrich feathers. She shuddered in ecstasy and giggled with delight. All three of us were hyper-sensitised, aware of every subtle movement, smell, sound and sensation. Our energy had merged and we were experiencing the massage as if we were one being. There was no need for words, we seemed to be linked by some invisible force that carried us downstream on the river of ecstasy towards the ocean of bliss...

At the end of the session, after we namaste'd each other, Tony and Heather both remarked that even though there had been no penetration at all they felt as if they had been loved to the very core of their being. There had been no sex but we had become sexually enlightened. The session had surpassed all my expectations and I sincerely hope that Tony and Heather are out there somewhere, giving each other pleasure beyond their wildest dreams...

If there's someone you rather fancy diving deep into tantra with, give me a call. This is the work I love (although I can hardly call it work), freeing people from their limited beliefs about what love and sex is, and inspiring them to look outside the box. In fact, if you're single and want to put your name into my little red book, I'll see who I can set you up with for the journey of a lifetime...

To find out more or to connect with me, first take a look at my websites:

and of course, facebook:  Kavida Rei ~ Tantric Goddess

Tuesday, 24 March 2015


I've gathered together seven year's worth of blogs and am editing them for my new book, Wild Tantric Sex. It was opening a copy of Fifty Shades of Fluff that prompted this decision -  I didn't have to read more than a few lines before coming to the conclusion that my own sexual adventures are far more interesting than the the nauseatingly commercial fantasy that is Fifty Shades. More importantly, my stories are real. I want to get them out to a wider audience, to inspire people in having the courage to explore their sexuality with less fear and negative self-judgement.

In the meantime I've left one blog here for your enjoyment. It's a good example of what can be achieved when there is a safe space for people to explore their sexuality with no desire of outcome. In tantra there is no dogma, no religious prejudice. Participants show up as they are, connect with others in a real way, and find themselves expressing the very best of who they can be.

Our group events have become legendary. A Sensual Soiree is a loving and fun environment in which people feel free to dance, massage and share their feelings – a celebration of life. Everyone's needs are taken care of and nobody feels awkward or self-conscious. When people come together like this, with no expectation, without self-serving lust or sexual greed, the energy can flow, and magic happens spontaneously. Although we have moments of orgiastic delight, there has never been an orgy. Although we have soiree-ed together in sensual playfulness, nobody's had sex. This is a difficult concept for many people to get their heads around. Most folk have been so brainwashed by what they've been told, they imagine that if a  group of people take their clothes off, that must mean they're all about to have sex. Sexual energy is not sex! It is the life force energy of which the whole universe is made.

I hope that this blog challenges any preconceptions you may have about events such as Sensual Soirees and tantra groups in general. It's time for people to stop foisting their fear-driven opinions on each other and fall in love...

To find out more or to connect with me, first take a look at my websites:

and of course, facebook:  Kavida Rei

Wednesday, 16 October 2013


In case you were wondering why I've been so quiet on the blogging front, the answer is that having been on the road for the best part of a year there hasn't been much of a chance to write. We've been deeply engaged in freeing ourselves from the tyranny of a life that had revolved around rent and bills for twenty years. It has felt like flying into freedom at supersonic speed. We must have covered close to ten thousand miles so far on our UK Love Tour. Our travel adventures deserve a dedicated book but we're so busy that the writing of it will just have to wait. However, a gathering of extraordinary people in June merits a special blog. We achieved something worth telling people about, something unique I'm sure and even if our effort hasn't been officially entered into the Guinness World Records yet, I'm pretty certain we made history.

Almost every month, for four years we've run Sensual Soirees, fabulous events that have drawn life-loving, kindred spirits together to celebrate love, freedom and sensuality (and raw chocolate) in a cosy venue in the heart of London. At every soiree one of the delights we indulge in is group massage, organised with one person asking for the kind of massage they'd like to receive and three others making that person's fantasy come true. It's a privilege and a joy to be able to provide a safe environment within which people can let their hair down and go a bit bonkers. In the soiree temple space there's simply no need for self-consciousness – it's hard to believe, but everyone is accepted exactly as they are. The soirees offer such an atmosphere of open-hearted generosity that it would be virtually impossible not to surrender into bliss. It really is the most fun one can have indoors.

In the spring I came up with a madcap idea. I'd been wondering what was the largest ever multi-handed massage, and all that had shown up on the net was a world record set for 263 people being massaged simultaneously. But my question was: how many hands could you get on one human body? Maybe other people have pondered this question before but frankly I can only imagine me seriously considering putting it to the test. Having once experienced a mind-blowing massage given to me by five people at once in Hawaii I imagined that 20 might be a feasible number and I began to dream about what that might feel like...and then I realised that I had the means (and the power, haha!) to make it happen – a multi-handed massage that would not only set a world record, but would also be rather a nice reward for myself. After all, having facilitated the soirees for so long, never being able to jump in and participate, I figured I deserved it. Not that I'm complaining – I happen to be married to the finest masseur in the world and I certainly don't go short of massages, but hey, if anyone was going to get all those hands on their naked body it was definitely going to be me. I'm not called a Tantric Goddess for nothing...

So, forty soiree participants gathered in Covent Garden one friday night in June 2012. We danced our socks off, in the traditional and time-honoured soiree way, getting 'in the mood' and then it was time for the great experiment. Off came my clothes (never a challenge) and I lay, spreadeagled in the middle of the island of pink mattresses. I was breathless with anticipation, but still making sense, as I directed the group in my usual, 'I'm the boss' kind of way. Twenty men lay on their bellies all around me, like the rays of the sun, with their arms outstretched. The mood was ceremonial (soiree folk love a good ceremony!) and the men placed their hands on my body with reverence. I was awestruck by the sensation and I really did feel like a Goddess being worshipped. Every girl should try it! Twenty women lay on top of the men, slightly between them to spread the weight, and reached out to find any spare bits of flesh. And there I was, being covered by eighty hands. For a moment it felt rather like a mass grope and I found myself laughing uncontollably at the ridiculousness of the scene. In fact we all burst into laughter at exactly the same moment.

But all at once the hands began to move and I became instantly (and uncharacteristically) speechless. Four hundred fingers and thumbs worked in synchronistic rhythm, caressing, pulsing, kneading until I was in a fuzzy, altered-state of No Mind. I felt as if I were being massaged by a giant, multi-handed pleasure creature. I'm finding it difficult to put together words to describe what was, without question, a peak experience. There was love flowing through me certainly, taking me to higher and higher levels of ecstasy. I was vibrating with energy and happy to notice that everyone seemed to be enjoying it all as much as I was.

Someone was filming the event, but sadly the movie disappeared mysteriously from our computer after we'd watched it only once. One of the priceless moments from that film was my highly amusing 'interview', given a couple of minutes after the massage where I was making very little sense at all. Just a burbling, blissed-out bunny, with glazed eyes and a dopey smile on my face.

At the time it felt as if every part of me was being massaged, but when we saw the photos we realised that there were still some fleshy parts exposed. Analysing the situation from some perspective, we reckon we could get another forty people involved, especially with some imaginative harness equipment. Anyone up for the challenge? 

Photos by sonalle@hotmail.com
If you would like to be at a Soiree or something similar with Kavida, then click here..